New and Improved

When I received the email with the new exercises I read that they were harder, but when I looked at them I said to myself, "I got this."  But they really were harder.  For me it all comes down to the extra ab workout.  I can do all the other exercises to the max and with little time in between.  But once those abs start then the struggle begins.  I can get through it all but I pretty much collapse afterwards.  I guess that's a good thing.  I don't feel bad afterwards just a little worked.  Again I'm assuming this is a good thing, and without it I'm sure I wouldn't survive the future exercises.

I'm dealing with some drama in my life, and the reason I don't want to blog about it is because I don't really care that much.  My life is moving forward and to have things from the past coming to me and trying to bother me is kind of useless.  I'm focused and have goals that I want to achieve.  The first being PCP.  I can't exactly look into the past right now, and some people think I'm avoiding things, but I'm not.  The future looks bright and the past is foggy.  I guess I should mention it a little.  My ex-girlfriend basically threw me to the side and it ruined me for awhile, but I'm completely over it.  She keeps showing up to my gigs and it seems like everyone is uncomfortable about it except for me.  I don't care though. Anyone has to right to go anywhere and it doesn't bother me.  I'm just happy to be playing well at the gig.  People say that she wants to be friends but I don't want to.  I've got to focus on myself and being good to my real friends.  With all the stuff going on in my life I just don't want to deal with it.  I'm nice to everyone and shouldn't have to deal with something that I'm not concerned with.  I guess the only reason I'm saying any of this is because PCP has allowed me to focus on improving my life and I don't want to stop and turn around.  I'm happy with the way things are going and I don't want that to stop.

Eating has become a routine.  I don't even think about eating other things.  I'm basically a robot with food, and I eat the diet plan without remorse.  Seeing that makes me believe I'll definitely continue it after the 90 days.

Might as well try

After drinking tea, eating garlic, and blowing my nose all day I decided to do the jump rope.  I had to take a lot of breaks but I got through it.  Once I did I continued with the other exercises.  Again I had to take more time in between the sets or I would pass out, but I finished them all.  I was pretty much laid out on the floor for a while with my heart racing and mouth almost drooling.  After that passed I feel pretty good.  My nose is still stuffed up but everything else feels better than before.  Maybe I needed to sweat.  I'm going to take a bath and see if that heals everything up.

Just one of those days

Yesterday. . . happened.  One of my best friend's sister went into the hospital, and they don't know what she's got.  I know her well and she's loved.  She's a single parent and a funny gal.   I'm not sure why she is sick, but being that no one knows is just. . . weird.  In these situations I just get angry.  Others might get worried or sad.  Me, I get angry.  Angry.  I ate my food angry, did my workout angry.  Angry.   Then I read the email about indulgence.  I had to think about this for awhile because there were some options, but I soon got a call from my friend and he wanted to drink. . . whiskey.  Yes, whiskey, the vile beast that lurks in my families blood line since forever.  I filled my glass half way and the rest with water so I wouldn't get sick, and then things dissolved. . .

Sick.  At first I thought I was hung over, which was weird because I actually didn't drink that much.  I couldn't really because I had two half glasses of whiskey and after that I was pretty much flying.  Guess the tolerance went down.  But I'm sniffling and sneezing, hucking and chucking.  Sick.  I've never known whiskey to get you sick.  Pretty much the opposite.  People in scotland drink whiskey as a remedy when their sick, but I guess they would drink it if they weren't, so who knows.  I'm guessing the stress and anger also had something to do with it also.  I'm not really angry today, just waiting for the call.

I had the idea that I was going to do the exercises anyways, but then realized that would be stupid.  I'm going to continue the diet with one important ingredient- garlic, garlic, and more garlic.  I'm sure I'll smell great, but I just want to be better for tomorrow and start up again.  For the rest of the project whiskey can go straight to hell and drink itself.

The Speed Of Change

The speed of change is a term I've only heard through music.  At first every musician wants to play as fast as they can, but most of the time that sounds really sloppy.  So the speed of change is used to describe the length of time in between the notes.  You play the notes really slowly but practice the speed that you go from one note to the next.  That might not make sense (I don't think I'm describing it too well), but the point is when I play a guitar solo I can play as fast as anyone can imagine all while dancing around head banging and looking at the crowd.  The fact is I don't even think about it.  It all comes naturally because I've played music for as long as I can remember.  Speed is just a side note and style is all I care about.

I just noticed I'm rambling so I'll bring up my main point.  I uploaded new pictures and I don't really notice too many differences.  I've done all the exercises and kept to the diet but I don't see too many changes.  But why should I?  I don't want to start comparing pictures of myself.  So I thought of the term speed of change.  I saw a lot of musicians give up just because they weren't seeing the results they expected.  I simply practiced every single day because I enjoyed it and once I had the skills of a "professional musician" I barely noticed.  I had to be told by the older jazz musicians that I was a professional, and once they told me I said, "fuck jazz, I'm going to play funk and rock."  I started looking at the pictures and I finally asked myself, "how do I feel?"  I feel great and I can tell that things are changing, so I'm not going to look at the pictures.  I'm just going to do the exercises and diet because they make me feel good.

Because of timing I basically had a day to decide whether or not I was going to join the project.  I joined because I looked at the pictures of people that have finished.  Not because of the weekly changes, but because I looked at their first and last pictures and saw an incredible difference.  So the point of this   rambling blog is that I'm not going to look at the pictures at all.  I'm just going to continue. . .

kudos to anyone that understands this blog because I don't really know where the hell I was going with it.  I'm always a little "foggy" on sundays and would usually be eating some bacon and I'm glad I'm not.

blah blah blog

Pull up bar vs. Me

Pulls up are harder than I thought.  It's the only exercise I can't go beyond the suggested reps.  But to be honest the biggest battle was trying to get the pull up bar stable.  The first time I got it up on my door frame I tried to start the pull ups and I instantly fell to the ground with the pull up bar.  I didn't get hurt or anything so I laughed a little and declared war against the bar.  The second time I got the bar up there I used all my might and assumed it was secure.  I did one rep and then the bar slowly sliding down the door frame with me.  Again I thought it was funny, but the war wasn't over.  Time to get the tools out.  I basically tightened the bar until the wood started to crack and it still wasn't on there as steady as I needed.  After awhile I got it on there so tight that this whole building would have to fall before the bar does.  I wish I got video of the whole thing.

In terms of the eating I never knew how much salt I used before.  I put salt on everything, and thought that it was healthy because it was sea salt.   I could put a bunch of salt on my hand and be like, "Wow, that's some good hand."   I feel like that's been the biggest thing for me, and since I haven't used salt I feel like my body is working well without it.  Since I feel better I don't really think I'll jump on the salt train after the whole project is done.  I wanted something sweet yesterday, but then I had the fruit course of kiwis and it worked to take that craving away.

I randomly opened my freezer and found a box full of salmon that my dad gave me a couple of months ago- score!  I also found a curry mix that doesn't have any salt in it and spiced up the chicken I got real nice like.

Budgeting

Wow, I'm bad at budgeting.  Veggies are all getting eaten, but I don't know who I think I am eating all this fish. . . in chicago.  Chicken it is, fish will have to be a once and awhile thing.  Also only about 1/3 of the fruit I get lasts.  Oh well, live and learn.

Spinning the wheels

I went to a birthday party last night.  When I got there my friend was so drunk that all she could do was scream (she's in a punk rock band so I guess that has something to do about it).  I'm glad I went just to say what's up but I didn't stay long because being the only sober one was pretty lame.  Then again I was probably the only one that didn't wake up with a hang over.

I went for a bike ride early in the morning because the air show was this weekend and I wanted to see that. None of my friends wanted to go because it's crazy crowded with suburban families and I can understand that would be annoying with a hangover.  One of my friends would have gone to take photo's but he's in colorado rock climbing and I'm jealous.  I'm just saying.  I eventually rode past all the madness and hung out at one of my favorite spots (above).

Went to a BBQ later and no one asked me why I wasn't eating anything.  Good times, good people, good day.

I like knowing what I'm doing while I'm working out, and can see the mistakes I was making in the past.  Feel the burn.

Not my body, not my problem, that's what I say.

Elena made a good point about my blog yesterday saying, "most people don't care."  And I agree to the most part.  My close guy friends don't get the project but they will say good luck.  The people that don't care are the people mostly concerned with themselves.  Which is crazy to me.  I have a friend that had kidney failure last year (at 29) and when I told her about the diet part she said she would "die" if she did that.  I don't understand the people that complain about their body but don't do anything about it.  I wish I could say to myself not my body, not my problem, but I can't.  Once I've completed the project I'll try to get some people to see what it's all about, but until then I'm keeping it all to myself.

I'm going to tell my sister what Tara mentioned yesterday and I'm sure she'll agree to wait for two years. Her deal is that she's an actress in LA and deals with that whole scene.  She just got back from filming a tv show, and I think the pressure of the set brought up the weight concerns.  I told her that I'm sure no one even noticed if she gained weight.  It's too bad that there's so much pressure on females to be skinny rather than healthy.  I'm a dude from chicago so there's absolutely no pressure for me to be skinny or healthy.  The only thing I "have" to do is watch every bears game and I can't put ketchup on my hot dog and the city of chicago is fine with me.

I woke up today and told myself I didn't want to do any exercises.  Work is hard and whatever (blah, blah, blah).  But then out of nowhere I just started doing them.  I noticed while jump roping that I didn't think about it and just started up, which was really weird.  Afterwards I felt great so I was glad I did it.  I find that even though my body is tired my mind is more awake after the exercises, almost like a shot of espresso.  So I told myself even if I don't want to do the exercises I'm going to do them.  I also started yesterday taking the muscle workouts to the max like Patrick is talking about.  My neighbors probably think I'm doing some crazy things in my apartment because of the grunts, but I don't care.

Not my salt intake, not my problem, that's what I say.

In Response To Kim

Kim wrote a blog about being secretive which I can totally understand.  The funny thing is I haven't been but every time I bring it up people don't understand what I'm talking about.  First of all I've got to stop referring to it as "PCP" because people think I'm on drugs.  After some explaining people inevitably ask, "So it's like a workout plan?" and I respond, "Well, there's a workout plan but 80% of it is diet."  And then people immediately assume that I'm starving myself to death.  Once I tell them that I'm eating a lot but without salt, sugar, etc. . . I'll see that people are still confused so I'll stop talking about it.  So even though I haven't been secretive about it I choose to not bring it up that often.  And honestly I've mentioned the blog and no one has asked to see it.

There is one person that was very interested in the project though.  My sister just had a little girl (and she is amazing) and wants to be in shape again.  I think she would be a perfect candidate for the project but I worry that it might be too difficult while she has a newborn.  I can't imagine barely sleeping while on this project and I'm not far in.  Seeing other peoples blogs I can tell that it's just going to get harder, and I know she can be really hard on herself.  I'm going to get through the 90 days and talk with her about it.

Mangos rule.

Healthy Body, Sick Mind

Is a Operation Ivy song and the state that I assumed I should be in because my main computer shut down for good last night, which is probably the worst thing right now because that's where I work and record music.  Maybe I don't think too highly of myself because I would assume I would be doing something really stupid like buying a bottle of whiskey and starting a fight with one of my walls, but I'm not.  I'm really calm and still have a sense of humor about things.  I don't want to go off the pcp path so I guess I'm not.  I like being tired at night from the workout and the diet is steady.  I like how everyone has suggestions on food, and I can experiment with my meals instead of just noticing the lack of salt.  I can't tell if I look different but I feel different, and it's a good feeling.  I remembered an event that happened to me about eight years ago that has always stuck with me.  I was at a level three sound healing seminar on a organic farm and resort in Colorado.  Everyone there choose to stay in the cabins during the seminar, but I wanted to save money so I stayed in a tent.  One night there was a huge storm and my tent broke so I shivered the night away in rain water.  The next morning I was extremely cold, tired, and angry as I went to get breakfast.  I didn't want to sit with the other people I had meet so I sat at a table and sulked looking at my perfectly prepared breakfast.  And something happened, something I didn't ask for but welcomed.  There were nine teachers there and one of them was a tibetan buddhist monk.  Now I'm not a buddhist (I'm nothing really) but I feel those monk have a pretty good philosophy.  He came to my table with such a humble presence and said, "Can I sit here?" as if I were saving the seven seats around me.  I said sure and he sat down, so I tried to explain my current condition by mumbling, "You'll have to excuse me, I spent the night in the rain. . ."  He never acknowledged any of my ramblings, but instead just looked at me and said, "It's good, good."  He was referring to his bowl of oatmeal in front of him.  His plain white, salt free, no cinnamon, no honey, no nothing, bowl of oatmeal.  I replied, "Yes, very good."  I was a liar, a dirty, wet, and stinking liar.  I'd never had a bowl of plain oatmeal in my life, but what he was talking about was his food is good and I agreed with food being good.  So I starting eating and we continued to talk.  Not about buddhism but how breakfast was good, and so was life.  I walked away from the table rejuvenated and ready to continue the day.  My body was still run down but my mind was happy and alert.  I'm going to try to keep that mindset through the project, and keep thinking to myself that the food is good without salt, and even though my calves are sore I'm going to do the exercises.  Rest in peace computer, you performed well while I had you.

Coffee Now!

I woke up today and knew I had a lot of work to do.  This week is a busy week and my boss's brother died so I have to do some extra work.  I kind of stood around for a minute or two and thought to myself, "Coffee now!"  I started to cook two hard boiled eggs and took out some bread to warm up, and then I went across the street for the coffee.  It was at that moment that I realized my normal habits with coffee: sugar and cream please.  So instead I ordered a plain ice-coffee and I got to tell you I'm not a fan.  I know a lot of people love the taste of coffee but I just found out I like the sweetener and cream a lot more.  I then thought I could add some almond milk I had in the fridge, but I checked the ingredients and noticed sugar was second after water.  I've decided I'm just going to drink tea because I don't usually put anything in it anyways, plus it's cheaper.  My attention drifted away from the coffee and onto the eggs.  I love eggs but I tend to use salt on them more than anything.  I tried to think of what I could add for flavor and came up with cayenne pepper (I didn't see anything about not using spices, let me know if this is not cool).  Once I added that I thought they were delicious and I didn't miss the salt at all.  I'm thinking that adding spice to all my meals will make me forget about the salt.  Now that that's said: BACK TO WORK!

The Big Gig

I had a gig last night at a great venue that I grew up going to.  The crowd seemed to have a great time, and my band certainly went crazy on stage, so it was a great time all around.  The difference between last night and the gigs before was obviously the project.  All gigs are the same for musicians.  You show up around 8:00 for load-in and sound check, and then wait there until 2:00 to get paid.  That means you're in the same bar for six hours straight.  Usually we set up our gear and then sit down for some food because the venue we give you a percentage off of entire menu.  So as my band offered me some quesadillas or some fries I proudly said, "No thanks." and watched as they ate.  To be honest I didn't really want the food, it looked really greasy and I ate a healthy meal at home before the show.  I didn't rub it in their faces though because I think people can eat whatever they want as far as I'm concerned.  But I can't help to think that I would have been right there with my band grubbing if I wasn't on the project.  I felt great on stage and my band and I performed at the peak of our abilities.  Then the adrenaline kicks in and all you want to do is get drunk.  We got free beer and the young kid in me wanted to get wasted and run around giving people high fives.  I have to admit I had two beers to calm the nerves, but I stopped after that.  Instead of getting completely drunk I decided to amuse myself with watching the drunks around the bar, which was actually hilarious.  The headliners after us performed their "last show ever" and the crowd was dancing around like crazy.  They were nice guys and really had an incredible performance, so that was entertainment enough.  I was thankful I stayed till 2 because we got our biggest pay ever.  Gig nights are usually the time when I throw healthy habits out the window, so I was happy that I didn't eat everything in site and get completely drunk.  If I had I would have probably not been able to get back to the project for a couple of days, so I'm going to approach all the gigs in this fashion.  It's cool to think the project will help out in the crazy activities I participate in.  Two thumbs up.

360 degrees

So I managed to pull off a good session with the jump rope.  I even made it to 60. . . once.  Even though I could only make it to 25 the other times I was happy with the improvement.  The first thing I did was turn off my tv.  Instead of trying to jump rope and pay attention to the tv at the same time I was able to just focus on the jump roping.  Once I did that I noticed I was making it harder than it actually is.  I slowed down the tempo and relaxed my shoulders and just tried to keep a steady rhythm.  It seemed to work and made to work out process a lot easier.

Body vs. Mind

So I'm day 3 and I've found that the diet hasn't upset my body as much as my mind.  What I've been doing is making the same amount of food (stir-fry mostly because that's really all I'm good at) and then putting half of the portion in the fridge for the next day.  After I finish eating I wait for about 15 mins. and I'll notice my hunger is gone but my craving to eat the rest of the food lasts for more than an hour.  I think it's just the taste factor or something.  That container of food in the fridge is calling me, "Hey Stu, I'm still here and taste delicious."  I'm just hoping in a week or so I'll forget it's in the fridge.